I live with a girl who refuses to fully close her door when she has sex with her boyfriend. It wouldn’t be so bad if she was on one of the upper floors but her bedroom is right across from the bathroom, on the main floor! She doesn’t seem to care if anyone sees but it makes me really uncomfortable!
I’ve mentioned this to her before but she says I shouldn’t be such a prude and to get over myself because it’s natural. I’m having my parents for dinner next week and I really don’t want them to see her boyfriend giving it to her from behind.
How can I be anymore clear?!
Disgusted in Guelph
Dear Disgusted in Guelph,
I am currently disgusted in Toronto. And guess what. It’s not because I’m a Major Prude. (I have to salute whenever I say that. Thanks a lot, How I Met Your Mother.) It’s because what she’s doing is not just being blatantly exhibitionist. She’s violating the age-old code of roommate-dom which states, “Thou shalt not do things which thy roommate has deemed to make her feel uncomfortable.”
Ok, so maybe there is no such written code. But there is an unwritten rule that when two people live together there always has to be some sort of compromise between them so that they can continue to live on harmoniously and not start pulling each other’s hair out for leaving dirty dishes in the sink, or not taking out the recycling.
The fact is that there are going to be things about your roommate that you’re not going to like. There are things that you do that she is probably not crazy about. It’s up to you to make the decision of which issues you want to fight for and when to let sleeping dogs lie.
If I were you, this would not be one of those moments where I would let sleeping dogs lie. It’s one thing to be late occasionally when paying the cable bill; it is not okay for her to continue to do something that you are against on a moral level. Having a brutally honest conversation with her about this is the only way that anything is ever going to get changed. Don’t feel awkward just because the situation involves sex. It sounds like your roommate is the type of person who is used to getting what she wants. She would have no problem voicing her dislike about something that she was morally opposed to, like smoking in the house or having friends over until three in the morning on a weeknight. Why shouldn’t you push for a compromise the same way?
Appeal to the fact that your parents are coming over and that there are some things she probably wouldn’t do in front of her parents either. Would she go to the bathroom in front of them? Masturbate in front of them? If not, she probably wouldn’t have sex in front of them either, in which case the door can remain closed.
This girl is hiding behind name-calling to disguise the fact that she’s disrespecting you as a person. If she chooses to have the kind of no-holds-barred lifestyle that involves fornicating in front of people, that’s fine. But she has to accept the fact that there will always be people that object to such an extreme lifestyle. She can claim they’re all haters, but asking you to put up with it is rude. If she objects to closing the door every once in awhile then she’s not a good roommate or a good friend. You can tell her I said that.
Or you can just slam the door in their faces next time you notice a little nooky from the doorway. That might work too.
Are you a major prude like B, or do you think she’s majorly wrong? Got a question you’d like to ask her? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.